My Nomadic Life

"The only constant is change," Mike said to me this morning.

I'm about to turn 27 and I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be in life. I am, however, in transition, again. Again.

Oh, it's good, I am sure. But that does not make it any easier in the moment. Most of the time though it feels like I can barely keep my goals in mind, let alone begin to accomplish them.

Do you ever feel like life is just a rat race to keep up, pay the bills just in time for another month to roll around and start all over again, finally get into a regular exercise routine just in time to catch some stupid flu bug that makes me bedridden for weeks on end, and then when I do get back to work it's crunch time before the biggest deadline of the year, so I'm working 12- to 14-hour shifts everyday and suddenly months later I realize I haven't been taking care of myself properly, again. And am paying for it.

Since moving here I have lost touch with nearly all my friends from Wisconsin, and barely keep up with talking to some of my family members on a semi-regular basis.

I try and try and try just to be knocked down over and over again. I try to maintain positivity, but sometimes that gets old, you know?

I heard a song on the radio that included the lyric that without hope a person will die in three minutes. So that's a relief; I guess it means I have some hope in me yet. Since I'm not dead and all.

I think I worry that if I am in the same routine too long that I will begin to feel bored. But then I feel exhausted and overwhelmed when I take on all these new endeavors, neglect the important relationships in my life, and then eventually abandon the new endeavors, and am right back to where I started, except maybe even a little worse off.

Some people make it all look so easy. I wish I were one of THOSE people. Do lovely thoughts about your loved ones count for something? They don't equal phone calls, emails and letters, of that I'm sure.

On a less melodramatic note, I have been learning how to make pretty glass things, and have even made a few pendants. (OK, I have STARTED a few pendants, Mike has finished both of them because I haven't quite got that bale loop technique down yet. But I'm working on it.) So, that is fun. And of course, there is that plane ticket back to Wisconsin to look forward to. And the weather is pretty great outside right now. At least for the last five minutes. I think maybe I have been sitting at this computer too long and just need to go out there and get some fresh air.