Monday, March 19

Things I want to do everyday:

Go for long walks
Listen to the rain
Drink lots of water
Be quiet together
Have long deep conversations
Have not-so-deep conversations
Work hard
Be self-motivated
Learn yoga poses
Take deep breaths
Mellow out
Make a daily plan
Stick to my daily plan
Be best friends

My hamster just came out of his little hiding place. He really is cute. I forget about him a lot. He's trying to burrow in his bedding but I need to go to the store and buy him some more bedding. I said, "Look! He came out!" Mike said, "Yeah he's a hamster."

Yeah, hamsters are boring.

Mike and I have been fighting, if you can really call it that. I hate fighting with him. I just want us both to be happy and together. It's just hard right now because he's trying to get his studio set up, and I can't help him with that stuff, so I have nothing to do while he does that. But he still wants me to not be on the computer all day and be self-motivated and productive. The issue is I have no idea what to do. He's very particular about how he wants things done. It's really tested us. Plus the stress of being in a place where I know nobody. I think - really think - that I need to get a part-time job to 1) get out of the house a few hours a week and 2) meet some of my own friends.

I know Mike and I really love each other and want this to work. Our fights are few and pretty tame. Neither one of us wants to fight. Mike is feeling all kinds of pressure to get his studio taken down at Liz's and set up here and start working again and making money. He claims he wants me around all the time but when I am around he feels the need to entertain me and that stresses him because his focus is divided from the work he needs to get done. This I know because we talked about it. Another reason why I gotta get out of the house and do something on my own/my own thing: I feel so dependent on Mike and I don't really like that feeling. It makes me feel helpless. I like to take care of myself, even if it is nice to be taken care of too.

I do know more so everyday that I know him that Mike is a good man.

We went for a walk at dusk and ended up walking for an hour. We started walking around the block in the neighborhood with Baby (Mike's pitbull) and ended up walking to the zoo after all. I had been wanting to see how long it would take to walk to the zoo. It took about 20 minutes one way. Not bad. They have wi-fi in the zoo cafe. Baby walks without a leash and listens really well to Mike. It was sprinkling by the time we trekked back up Harris Ave to get to Viale (our street), which felt nice to cool off at the end of the walk.